I AM A SHOWGIRL TOO...

 

It is showgirl time again!

 And I have been completely lost in Taylor’s new album. My favorite lines which I must start with, “They want that yacht life, under chopper blades / They want those bright lights and Balenci’ shades.” That world she paints is all about spectacle, luxury, and wanting more. It is not exactly my dream, but I feel the hunger behind it. My version of that dream is the writer’s life: a good book deal, my name on shelves, the kind of recognition that comes from creating something that matters or a media or copywriter’s job which is so difficult to get. And how I deserve it and must have it!

I have already listened to the album three times in a row. At forty one minutes each time, that adds up to more than two hours of listening without stopping. No breaks, no distractions, just me and the music.

What pulls me in is how much the songs mirror the things I want in my own life. They remind me of the kind of friendships that are best maintained when we are all down, of the kind of love that feels true, and of course the wish for money and security. My favorite track so far is “Opalite.” When Taylor sings “You couldn’t understand it, why you felt alone,” I feel that in my heart, that wrenching pain slicing through me. She also mentions friends who have the same scars as you in “Ruin the Friendship.” That hit me hard because it feels so close to my own life. My friends and I are all figuring things out together, bruised in similar ways, trying to find our paths.

The more I listen, the more I see how it connects to writing. The rejections, the longing for freedom, the fantasy of living a glamorous life that is never as perfect as it seems and the wish to be seen even if it is for a brief moment or our works read at least. The songs remind me that in many ways our lives really are showgirl lives. We keep preparing, performing, failing, getting back up, surprising ourselves, and sometimes even winning.

Last night I stayed awake baking cookies and slept two hours to wake up at exactly a minute before the release on spotify. Here’s a video of what I made: Chinchin and some cookies.

If you read my last post, you might remember that I promised to bake meat pies. Well, here’s some evidence for you.

 Now I am about to groom myself to be a father figure, pour myself a glass of brown liquor, and keep making wishes on stars.