confessional break!
if i had a nickel for every time i missed sleep......
Sleep evades me. It has left my life like the way you leave a toxic relationship. It has ship its things away setting sail to iceland. If I saved a dime for every time sleep escaped my eyes, I’d be the next Bill Gates. Forced passion with pillows soothing the scalp.
I never seem to sleep. Even during my blog launch yesterday, I didn’t sleep. I shared my post at dawn. I brainstormed, fidgeted and listened to Taylor Swift.
This raises a lot of questions about who I am — I'm the type of person who denies myself sleep. I refuse the pleasure of being in bed and even closing my eyes. My bed has thorns; invisible ones poking through the mattress to my eyes.
This struggle started back in my undergraduate days and continued into postgraduate studies. Probably in level 100, I used to walk around campus late at night; often at 12am, 1am, and 3am. This habit led to two scary incidents where guys tried to attack me. One wanted my phone, but I managed to scream for help. The scream was so loud that the person busily praying in tongues heard it and came to my rescue. Maybe it was the intervention of the Holy Spirit. I’ve always been a good Child to Him.
The other one, surprisingly, felt sorry for me because I looked so thin and tired. My friends tease me about being skinny but who would have guessed that same weight would end up protecting me? This incident didn't happen close to Sarbah Park, but it was near the Catholic Church. It's like another moment of divine intervention.We ended up becoming friends.
During postgrad, I'd use those late nights to read novels and articles for presentations since we always had readings and assignments. These continuous tests, presentations & quizzes accounted for why I almost gave up my master's program to focus on other educational plans. I never dared
to walk alone at midnight on the UCC campus, as it felt less safe than Legon. After evening masses, I'd retreat to my room.
to walk alone at midnight on the UCC campus, as it felt less safe than Legon. After evening masses, I'd retreat to my room.
In my first year, I had the room to myself, so I felt comfortable walking around naked. But in my second year, I had a roommate, so I'd put on my earphones or airpods and listen to Conan Gray, Taylor Swift or any heartbreak themed album. I didn’t want to bother him; I didn’t want to seem like that annoying roommate — I ended up as one anyways. Nowadays, sleep continues to elude me. I spend my nights writing, which is both exciting and scary. I don't want to be someone who never sleeps, wandering around like a restless monkey. I'd be happy if I could just get a bit of sleep.
During the day, I cook, spend time with my family, and study. It’s thrilling how I can get a lot of activities done when sleep doesn’t come to its resting spot.
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this is well written! i wish for a continuation. you ended on a cliffhanger
ReplyDeleteI don’t know how true this is but I’ve come to learn that achieving something you want comes with sleep deprivation even if it’s for a short while 😂
ReplyDeleteNice non fiction
ReplyDeleteStill a favorite ✨
ReplyDeleteYes, you had a roommate that never wanted to be a bother too. In the end, we loved the mixture, we enjoyed the stay. Because honestly, that stay was one of the best for me on the UCC campus.
ReplyDeleteTalk of sleep, I would wake up in the early hours of every morning and i would find your airpods on and you would lie down on that down bed with your cover-cloth on as if to be fast asleep. But no, you would be on the computer surfing with that cover-cloth covering same. That made me wonder if you slept at all.
This confession break makes it all make sense to me now. But the work continues unabated and we're loving it. Aren't we?